From as far back as I can remember I’ve felt like the stereotypical millennial: self-entitled, short attention span and expectations that just don’t fit with reality. The “Peter Pan Syndrome” applies to me in shades. And this looked like a curse initially. I couldn’t put my entire focus on just one thing. I had to do so many things all the time. It got to a point I was working three jobs with side gigs. I wrote for MMA, I worked for video gaming.
I did so many things I became sort of a master dilettante. And I don’t say that like it’s a good thing. It’s then I realized: I’m really just like this. I can’t find long lasting satisfaction in anything so I have to keep looking for new things. To do new things. To have a fresh new perspective every time. Starting over and restarting. Can you blame me when there are so many things available to us? The tragedy of freedom.
And I hated this at first. It was frustrating especially when you see people become very good at one thing or dedicate themselves to one role and they become successful and grow from it. They find their niche in life. They buy a condo and settle in. They find a job they’re comfortable in, a life they fit into and they settle into contentment and stay there. They stop moving. They stop growing. They just “maintain”. Whereas I, and many others like me, have to keep moving. To keep growing because we’re dilettantes. We can’t entirely commit to one thing. We want everything.
But it just happened I have a knack for writing. They say you don’t choose to be a writer. Writing chooses you. And that’s true. I’d stop doing it if I could. And it’s come to light I may not entirely focus on one industry or skill or passion but I can consistently explore new ones and write about them. I can travel and write. I can do something new each time and write. And in order to do all that I have to keep moving. To keep exploring.
Like a ship that doesn’t dock. That is the essence of what I am writing about. I’m starting to accept I may not really specialize or fit into a specific role in life. “Explorer” or “dilettante” would be that “role” but it’s born out of a lack of specialization. But not entirely.
I am taking technical writing at the moment because I love writing, because I wanted to add more tools to build as a writer and most importantly because it gives me flexibility. As a technical writer (or another position similar), I can choose to work full-time or part-time and have more control of my life. To be able to keep moving and discovering who I am. And having fun and searching for new things. ENFP. Exploring New Fun Passions. That is both a dream and a reality I am living. And this thing where I can’t ever settle. It feels like a curse but it could be a gift. I just need to make sense of it all and I hope you do too if you’re in the same position.
Live, explore and figure out how it all fits into the grand scheme that is your life.